I wanted to set 30 days apart to prepare my heart for the biggest change I am sure I will ever experience. Of course there is an entire 9 months of gestation for that, but these are different for me.
I am seeking revelation where I feel I am meant to learn a lesson. My first lesson, Focusing on the Blessing and not the Inadequacy.
I have been blessed in many ways recently, and I must admit that my first reaction has not always been healthy. IT hasn’t been “Thank you Jesus for the blessing!” Recently for a second I only thought, “If only I had the means to do this for myself.” I looked at my inadequacies. I looked at a blessing as only a result of my failure and not my favor given from God. Some months ago, my mother sent me a few very lengthy and angry texts because I again responded incorrectly. I realized then that I was taking focus off of the father and not the enemy. This last time didn’t require her to rebuke me. I saw it myself.
God’s ways are not my ways. His plans are not my plans. A lot of my journey since August has been fighting with myself and with God. I wasn’t always receptive to the lessons. I magnified the inadequacies. I magnified the struggles. My God is so much bigger than that. He is too good for that! As I prepare my heart, I choose to look to my father as what He is, my father. A good father, who will give me what I need, who loves me unconditionally. I will choose to learn from that amazing love and to share that with my child so she knows who her heavenly father is. So that as a family we know, who our help comes from!
His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Though I am in a state of vulnerability with my father, it does in no way mean I am weak here on earth, because His grace is sufficient for me!! God is good!