Around this time last year was one of the most important transitions of my adult life. It was a move that was inevitable. It was a change that was needed for my own good.
Last year I was hurt by people that I loved. Last year I am sure that I hurt people that I loved or that loved me. I think that is all apart of life and growing up. While it is happening it hurts, it’s confusing, but it is also enlightening.
Some change is necessary in order to open your eyes to things that you need to see. Some people are removed from your life because they just were no longer meant to be there.
In a message on this past Sunday. Steven Furtick said that we so often miss the “Johns” (those who were there at the cross) because we are focusing on the “Judas’” (the ones who betrayed us). We so often waste energy being pissed at the people who wronged us and forget about the people who were there all along. We often waste time focusing on the wrong we knew someone was capable of, when we can be going about our business. Staying upset forever is a waste of time, and a distraction from the task at hand. Everyone has experienced a Judas, and all of us have been someone’s Judas. I don’t think there is a need to analyze it, but to be aware of why it all happened and to move forward.
I wouldn’t change anything about all that has happened. All the crying, all the confusion, all the drama. Though it was no fun, I wouldn’t change it. There are things I could’ve done differently, that others could’ve done differently, but given the choice I would not change it.
So often we make moves according to other people’s opinions. For the first time I made a move not thinking of anyone’s opinion, because it had to be done. I think I will take others judging me and misunderstanding me over the feeling of being unsettled. I will be ok with someone not seeing eye to eye with me in order to pursue putting down my roots. It is so simple to get stuck in life. It is so easy for that 1 year plan to turn into 5. It is so easy to forget about all those places you wanted to go, all those programs you signed up for but never responded to, the dream you have always had. Looking at where I am people may not think I have done much of ANYthing, good thing that doesn’t matter. Inside of me, I feel so much stronger and even more determined. Even more prepared for what is ahead. I feel like it is becoming more and more clear to my husband and I what we are meant to do and where we are meant to be. Every season is for a reason. Every place where you settle is for a reason. Every move you make should be for a reason.
Some moves I think I made too swiftly, and I have learned from that. I have learned that good intentions without wisdom don’t lead to good decisions. With that being said though, I know that lesson needed to be learned.
I always end up referencing this, but it is important to me. My parents moving away created a shift in my life. It was a shift that I can gage as a turning point to where I am now and I will also reference once I get to where I am going. I never imagined them going anywhere. I thought they would always be a few minutes away. I would hear them talk about going, but I didn’t believe them. I watched as they were persecuted for a decision that they knew was God’s instruction. I watched as they continued for the goal knowing what they were meant to do. I watched as they stepped out on faith and stood on that faith to become settled. I marvel at their journey. It is a genuine appreciation for their courage and for God’s faithfulness. I miss them every day. I love them and trust God enough to follow in their footsteps, but not to confuse that with following their path. Their actions taught me to go after putting those roots down. My OWN roots, not Aaronda or Drew’s daughter’s roots, but Arika’s roots. You may read that and say it is the same thing, but in my mind it means that where I go in the future will be because that is where I am meant to be and not because my family is there.They taught me that God is intentional and has a plan, they taught me that what is for me is for me.
The feeling of being unsettled is one I don’t wish on anyone. The pain behind knowing there is more, but for some reason you don’t go to find out is one that stings constantly. The freedom of pursuing who you really are and where you should be is amazing. In a year’s time, I am happy to be at this point in my life. I am happy to have had this last year with my husband good and bad – to get to know him more, to experience each other in new atmospheres and to really discover what our heart’s desires are. I am excited to see what the next year brings!