I have had a revelation. One that I feel has changed my heart and my mind.
I think that the toughest thing I have faced thus far is the feeling of failure. Coming face to face with what seems to be failing the one you love. Though I have never heard the words “You have failed me.” I have allowed it to define me. I have allowed failure a seat at the table. I have allowed myself to believe that he would be better off without me. That he could go farther without my burdens. With every week that goes by, bill that comes in the mail, dish that’s left unwashed I feel I have failed him.
I am embarrassed to say it, but I have left humiliated.
If you read my posts often you know that I like to be as honest as possible. To share my struggles so that anyone who may need someone to relate can have that. Even when it is difficult to admit.
The enemy wanted me to stay in that place where I doubted what I felt I was supposed to do, where I thought I failed, and felt judged.
In what seemed like a second God made it clear to me. Everything that my husband does – getting up and going to work, taking his job seriously, working on weekends, paying bills I used to be able to help with, making sure I have gas when all my days are spent at home. Loving with me, laughing with me, even being honest with me when needed. He does all this because he feels I am worth it. Would he do it all if he didn’t feel this way?
This brought me to how husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Regardless of how far gone I feel, Christ will love me. No matter how many mistakes I make, His sacrifice for my sins cover me. While we were still sinners Christ died for is. There could be a flock of sheep all headed in the right direction, but one headed left and He stops to retrieve the lost.
Christ did all that because he feels I am worth it. Even when I feel that I am not. Christ feels that YOU are worth it. Don’t allow failure and defeat to set into your heart. It will destroy your drive to live and to go for your dreams. I thank God for the revelation in this area, and perseverance that I gained by learning it.