I have had something on my mind. Asking myself, “How will you approach those who you have lost all respect for respectfully?”
I have a track record of walking away from relationships that have become more toxic than worth fighting for. I don’t say this with pride, it has always been something I looked back on with some small inkling of regret, very very small. I am not the type to boldly confront a person who has hurt me and tell them off. I would take a blow and let it go, take another and let it go. I have been in relationships with friends who would secretly ridicule me and I would be around to hear, or I would find their notes. I would take the blow and let it go. I have dated one or two who had an idea of what my role was and how I was supposed to follow those guidelines. I tried to understand, to make sense of it all. I would take the blow and let it go. I have heard people I trusted speak ill of people I love. I have heard them speak ill of me, I have seen them operate out of everything except love.
I took the last blow and walked away. I walked away all those times feeling like the person or persons didn’t deserve to hear how I felt. I walked away calmly and put together, but still hurt. As I said before, this is not an action I am completely proud of. But I can’t lie and not say I am glad I had the strength to walk away. I feel that some things will never be resolved. Some people will never change, I stuck around as long as I did thinking it could happen but it didn’t. So with that being said, back to my question to myself. How will you approach those who you have lost all respect for respectfully?
I feel like this is a question I cannot answer. All I can do is remind myself I need to pray about it more. I need to check my heart some more. From losing friends, to boyfriends, to whoever else, pain and loss is apart of life. And it shouldn’t break us but make us stronger. I know it has done that. But what I am unsure about is that small inkling of regret I have. The regret of choosing to avoid speaking up. Let me explain why time and time again I have done that.
Every relationship I mentioned have this in common, those people had their minds made up. What they thought of me, how they treated me or others was apart of who they were. Was I to stand there and take it? Spend my time and effort attempting to get them to change? At the point of giving up my answers were NO. You can give a loved one chance after chance after chance, but at some point you realize that relationship may just not work. I’ll still treat you with love and respect, but we aren’t who we used to be. Sometimes walking away can help a person realize they wronged you, or sometimes they just make a decision about you and who you are.
Writing that last paragraph, I have seemed to answer my own question I thought I could not answer. You approach a person that you have lost respect for with love. We may not see eye to eye, we may never talk about our issues, but I will never treat you with disrespect and hatred but with love. Regardless of how they respond to me, or what they have to say about me. I will display love.