I like to have a plan. I like to be prepared. I like to drive myself around so I can get to where I need to be on my own time. I like to voice my opinion if I feel that it will expedite the process. I like for all the chairs to pushed under the table, and for the wet towels to be hanging not lying around. I like control.
Can God be in control if I am trying to be.
Over the last 2 months I have been in a very different point in my life. I had a plan, I had it all figured out. I heard from God and finished what I thought was the plan with my own ideas. I knew what would go down step by step, only I didn’t.
In my home, there were things that just went the way I planned them because I felt I had things under control.
I lost all control. Every part of my plan failed. Everything I knew would just work out perfectly didn’t. Even things that I thought I dealt with came back to haunt me.
I am no longer the Control Freak, but weak and helpless. I don’t think I have ever felt weak and helpless.
The words weak and helpless seem to be words to evoke shame, and for a while I felt that. I felt shame for not having it all together, for not being on my game and sticking to my plan. But, I can’t feel that shame because of a promise I hold on to.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me. 10 So I am well pleased with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, and with difficulties, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak [in human strength], then I am strong [truly able, truly powerful, truly drawing from God’s strength].
I have never been at this place, and I needed to be broken to get here. As tough as it is. I heard tell me “It’s going to hurt.” but I wasn’t expecting this.
I last wrote about trusting God to walk upon the waters. In order to do that, I now see it takes complete abandonment of your own plans. Trust without borders means no plan B. It means I’m not on the planning committee, I am just here for instruction. And that most definitely hurts, but it will mist definitely be worth it all.