Your life can change in a second. Just one thing can eliminate the argument you were just in, the trivial things you and your husband were talking about.
Looking at a stick that tells you, something is growing inside of you changes everything.
The way I looked at him changed. The way I looked at myself changed.
All in a matter of a few minutes.
We exchanged the cheer with people we love.
Stephan was so full of joy. Seeing him so excited lifted me up.
According to Glow I was 6 weeks and 2 days when I found out. My baby was the size of a chocolate chip when I found out. Sunday we celebrated. Monday at 9am I called the doctors office for my appointment. Took my blood test and started my Pinterest board. Tuesday I was fatigued and bloated. Wednesday I had no baby. Wednesday at 6 weeks and 6 days I bled all day long. A chemical pregnancy, a miscarriage, whichever you want to call it. It hurts. I couldn’t imagine the pain a woman feels after weeks and months of preparing and nurturing for a child when I ache after only knowing for 6 days today.
This morning I slept like I was in hibernation. I had to have slept for 12 hours. I wish I could sleep now. I had just asked Stephan “What does it mean to be in perfect peace? Does it mean you don’t have negative thoughts?” He said “No, I don’t think it means you don’t have the thoughts, but that you immediately [cast them down].” I think perfect peace is sleeping for 12 hours after you just heard horrible news and await for confirmation the next day. I think God telling me He will give me peace beyond any of our understanding doesn’t mean I won’t feel pain, but means He won’t allow me to go insane and count the clock waiting, but rest even if things don’t go as planned.
My God I ask that you hug and comfort and give perfect peace to any woman who has lost a child whether during pregnancy or after birth. God heal them of that pain, give them hope! Give them courage! Give me courage! May you heal their bodies and their hearts. May I not be so selfish and only think of myself but anyone else who is hurting. Especially to those who do not have the support they need, those without husbands or mothers or pastors to pray for them.
As the bleeding stops and this all comes to an end, as I slowly regain my strength, all I can say is God is good. I love my husband more, I feel closer to him and I know we will have our turn soon enough. I will not be defeated! Our lives changed in a matter of a few days and it is not lost territory, but gained strength and perseverance.