What I cried out to God for I do not know. What I prayed to Him regarding I do not know. But what I know is He fills in the gaps. The gaps that I know need filling, but I’m not sure how. I am needy, terribly needy and I need this everlasting comfort that no man can truly give me. I put pressure on man to give me something they cannot give me. And it’s all my fault.
The gap between me and my God alters the way I am programmed to live. I have a programmed need for God. A need for Him that can’t be meet by those of no high power but by the sovereign God. If I search my entire life for a person to please me the way I need El Shaddai, I will die a long lonely death.
I crave warm embrace. To have arms take me hostage and relieve me of this imagined loneliness. That’s what I need.
What I want is to give a love that can’t be denied, can’t overwhelm but consume. That will understand the times to walk away or run towards.
What I require is realism. Knowing that it won’t always go that way, though it should, that hard work not empty wishes makes it all happen.
That was my thought process… But the truth is experiencing a love from Love Himself will teach me how to love. He will teach me when I need the Father or the embrace of my partner. And He will keep me from draining the ones around me from pulling on them with my needy heart.
So many times I have prayed and asked my Lord, “Why must I have feelings? Why must I have emotions?” As I ask these questions it is all directed towards earthly matters. But since I am created by Him for Him my emotions, my feelings have purpose. And when they are not used with purpose, loneliness, depression, and emotional turmoil are inevitable.
I am needy… And the cure for my neediness is God. The cure for OUR neediness is God. Our partners are only meant to do so much. We are only meant to give so much. Our source of life is Love. God is Love…. So in order to receive the sweetest Love that can be given, why not seek it from Love himself ?