2014, New MEs, & Newfeeds

This year I desire to grow closer to God. To keep Him first through all of the “hustle and bustle” through all of the planning and dreaming. I want to learn to be a wife. I want to be a Godly wife. I want to rid myself of unnecessary distractions and emotions. I want to ignore what deserves to be ignored. I want to enjoy silence and singleness while that still exists. I want to be selfless and ready to join with another person forever. I want to pick up good habits for my health and for my wealth. I want to be an example. I want to sing and make music. I want to share a full body of work with the world. I want to soak in the moment and not be blinded to the world in its true sense, but instead see it through the lens of Facebook. I want to seize the moment. I want my mind to be full of sweet intimacies and memories and not newsfeeds.
The moment I won’t forget is getting out of that Silver Impala, on a light snowy night with the man that I love,constantly telling myself “don’t overthink it”, as we walked onto the park grounds. I will never forget walking up onto the gazebo as he is speaking to me, but I am trying to keep it together and soak in my surroundings as I anticipate what is coming next. We walked onto the gazebo. “Do you want it now or later?” he says referring to my “second gift”. The first was a much needed and drooled over iPhone 5s. I turn my back to him and look out onto the field where a Santa Claus, sleigh, and reindeer light decoration stands. The snow is falling so slowly and soft. There didn’t seem to be a single sound from the cars on the street. There were two people there by the swings but they were blacked out from the darkness, also seeming not to make a sound.
I turn around and say yes. Stephan hands me a silver box with a bow on top. The box is big enough to fit a cupcake inside. I open the box and inside is a gold wrapped box with another bow. I have seen the wrapping before from other jewelry I have received from him. I am calming myself down, “What is this?!” I ask. He tells me to open it, obviously, as he stands there so peaceful and calm. I try to tell myself it’s not a ring so I don’t get my hopes up! I unwrap the box and take the blue velvet box from inside of it and tears instantly flow down my face as I gaze upon the ring I grew obsessed with no more than two months before. Still there is silence. He asks the question, but I am so overwhelmed that I don’t even hear what he says. Crying and wrapping my arms around him repeatedly, I am in awe. The night was so calm and peaceful. As the tale mentions…Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse….
He repeats his question, Will you marry me?, I say yes and I continue to cry. I look him in the face and I see him differently than I have through our friendship, through our relationship, since I have met him. I saw him as a Man. Not someone trying to be a man, growing into manhood, but a MAN, my man. All in these few minutes I am flooded with all of my doubts, worries, and nags. I am reminded of the last argument we had about just forgetting about marriage. I think about how many times he could have changed his mind. This is the most intimate moment I have been graced with so far. I feel the emotion and graciousness. “Did you record it?” “Do you have pictures?” “We could have met you guys there!”
My moment didn’t involve a single camera, not a soul witnessed it but the ones who experienced it, not a peep from a family member or friend to interrupt it…and for that I cherish it even more. It is more than an Instagram picture, it can’t be minimized to 15 seconds of bliss. It can’t be compared to others’ experiences or expectations. It is mine. It is engraved in my mind, and all up to me to share. Such sweet ownership I feel. More than something that can be shared with someone across the country who I don’t even know and tarnished by opinions. It’s mine. And I’m so glad I see it that way in a time when selfies are norms and newsfeeds replace conversations. Seize real life with your eyes, minds, and hands. Not with scrolls and double taps.

3 thoughts on “2014, New MEs, & Newfeeds

  1. Snaps*
    Carpe diem with eyes and minds, not scrolls and double taps! I like that!
    Like I told you in person you are blessed! You two keep growing together and repping and seeking our Daddy as you become one. He will surely bring you two everything you desire in this life :).

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