The scariest moment of my walk of faith is when God instructed me to “Go for It”. This was not relating to take that job, or apply to that school, or join that group. Go For It was Him telling me to allow myself to fully let down my guard and to LOVE. The scariest moment for me was really allowing myself to come to reality with what I was feeling…This is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
The rest of my life is a long time. And I for one have had plenty of plans for how life is supposed to be before spending the rest of it with a person.
I want to travel the world with music. I want to sing with a band, lead people closer to God through words. I want it to be a career. I always thought that would have to be established before a man stole my heart.
I want to be financially stable. Who wants to plan on getting married when your money isn’t adding up quite like you want it to?
I want to live on my own. Gotta experience the bachelorette life right?
I want to study music.
I want to do a lot of things.
Things I can still do along side a man who loves and supports me.
Focusing on what I WANT kept me from the full appreciation of what I HAVE.
I HAVE Love.
Why does it take so long to realize the things we already have in our possession?
Why do we desire things and then ignore the ways they can potentially come to us?
The scariest feeling I’ve felt is not thinking of Arika in the future, but thinking of US in the future.
I understand fear is a bad thing. I’m not afraid of the outcome, I’m not afraid of the process… I’m afraid not the same person I was before I let my guard down. I’m afraid I am more motivated to walk, more like run, towards my dreams. I’m afraid that I’m responsible for more than just myself. And I am completely fine with that. I thought my world would Close in on me when I decided to settle down, (I’d rather say fully commit) but in fact I feel the world expanding beyond what my mind has imagined.
You motivate me. You worry me. You lift me up. You support me. You adorn me. You LOVE me. And it is something I have never felt. And it is something I would be a fool to ignore or put on standby while I “explore” my independence. I don’t need a list , I don’t need an elaborate wedding, I don’t need carats, I need you.
God loves me as a single woman. I love Him as a single woman, and We will remain in that love as I transition to join a man. I accept His instruction, and I know it was Him.
I’ve run out of words to say besides, Stephan, Marry Me -but to steal your plans for the proposal would be robbery.