You ever tell yourself you won’t do something and ended up doing it? I have, and after shame covered me like a dark cloud this was the result…

I have never felt as disgusting as I do right now. I have never been so ashamed of myself, ashamed of my own body to the point of not wanting to be in it or come in contact with my own self. My sight seems to be more sharp, my smell more keen as I regretfully reflect on condemning behavior.
“Don’t leave me God, please don’t leave” is what I whisper in my head to God as tears roll down my face. I lie without a single garment of clothing but dressed in sin and aching shame.
I just want to be alone, give me my space, I want to talk it through with the Creator of my being that was not created to bring Him grief but glory. I may have gotten the G’s mixed up.
I don’t want to come in contact with my own body, take it away for awhile. I confess my behavior and try to move forward, that’s why these words are flowing from me…
I lay and cry and u give me a song that changes my demeanor, as if you were singing to me, as if you were the one who committed my sin and were with sincerity, with a broken spirit, and contrite heart you were singing to your Father. How can a song I’m singing in my head in first person turn around and feel as if it’s being ministered to me through someone else?
The power of the Holy Spirit.
Though I told myself “You
are worthless, you are nothing…” I know it’s not true.
Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. No sin will have me.

But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. (Isaiah 53:5 NLT)
He personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds you are healed. (1 Peter 2:24 NLT)

Jesus. You love us filthy people who
are saved and cleansed by your actions on the cross.
I can no longer appreciate the sin I used to bask in.
I took the commitment to be clean and after making another mistake after my promise I feel the weight of my sin, and to think u carried the world’s…

I realize that it’s not by my power, but I have to depend on you. I have to have faith in you. Thank you for the burning conviction, the inner turmoil that keeps me from evil desires and sin. My nature is no good, but my Father is my salvation. I feel free now. I am.

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