Allow me to pour out my heart with a love letter to you.
I had a hard time letting go off what was eating me alive. It was hard for me because I was in a whirlpool of things I had never experienced and going under.
You came along and I knew that the feelings were genuine. I knew that the chemistry we had was something I couldn’t resist. But I was afraid of rushing into to something like I did before, even though with us Love is there.
I was holding on to an illusion that my past would catch up to me and things may work out with someone else. That was foolish. And with the desire to give my feelings to you I let that deception go. The feelings are absent, but the infatuation that drew me to him was still there. I don’t love him.
I knew I had this demon and because it was there I would not allow myself to enter into a relationship and simultaneously hold on to anything that would hurt you.
The result was still hurting you.
I already surpassed the place where I decided that I was done holding on to things of the past because I want you.
The way you look at me I feel like I am the most beautiful. The way you pay attention to the things that seemed to irritate any other the guy. The screenshots of Instagram pics of oxfords and new fits we both want to try. The hours you have spent with me planning an outfit for any other night. The trip to target to find that dress I loved while I was at work.
The day you told me wait until you graduate because you would move anywhere with me.
Your hugs that give me life. You staring at me in amazement, while I pretend I can’t see you.
When this all began I saw how delicate you are, how good of a good job your parents did on raising such a wonderful young man. You change clothes a million times like me. You like to put on a show and look nice on any regular day like me.
You told me I’m your queen and I didn’t see it. Now all I want to be is that. In ways I can’t explain you have fueled my ambitious drive. You have stuck by my side when I’m in a dark place or a good place. You have encouraged me do bigger things and introduced me to the finer things. I see a better me with you next to me. And I have even seen a better you.
I want you. Even if you have more pairs of shoes than you can count. Even if it takes both of us hours to get dressed and we miss wherever we were going. If we stay right here in Gary or go across the country.
You are my best friend.
I took what we have for granted and I’m sorry.
I don’t wanna move forward without you.
Please don’t make me.
I don’t care who sees this or what they assume. What’s important to me is you.