I lust for the taste of your skin- I crave it. My hands are out of control I can’t manage, to think clearly or see what I am doing but to keep at what feels right. Until guilt eats me up at night and I burst out into tears not knowing what to say, but go back after the feeling that brought shame the following day.
What is it about you, that draws me to you. What is this euphoria that comes and goes as my flesh becomes a seductress and my soul becomes breathless. Constant suffocation is what happens inwardly as my outward self breaths the air my heart is not receiving. How can I be suffocated and ventilated all at once? How can I love this and hate myself so much? How can I see what is going on and not care enough to remove myself from a parasitic situation?
Why let myself be wounded in order to go through life paralyzed and unable to be fully capable of giving myself to another. Why be broken when there is love that will build from all my insecurities and pain?
What is the advantage of physical gain?
All I am left with is memories, memories that seem sweet but are bombarded with the harsh reality that it no longer exists. That as much as I loathe the fact that I was stripped of my dignity, I imagine us stripped of our spirituality but doused in intimacy, if its even considered that.
I am different from when it all began. The freedom I thought I was giving myself was actually bondage that kept me in it’s closed quarters. People think freedom is doing what they want, but when this “freedom” tells you that you want something and you struggle without it, it is not freedom at all. That’s suffering, that is slavery to the very thing you think makes you free or makes you stronger.
There is darkness in lust. There is darkness in sin. And there is Blindness in the shameless gloating of it all. There is a near future of failure when the remorse of your wrong has faded and the excitement that you did it overpowers you. Hopping into backseats and sneaking into empty rooms excites you, but it will be your downfall.
Ever felt empty, and alone surrounded by people and in a place meant to fill you? Ever told yourself to do one thing and it does another?
Ever come to a place where all you can do is lay there and hope God will know what to say?
Galatians 6:8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from their flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
I know how it feels. I know the feeling of emptiness all too well. I know how it ends and when it doesn’t! As hard as it is to move forward, you have to. The struggle is real, but the destruction is more real. It’s hard to let go of what seems sweet, but let go before you face defeat, please.